Starting a blog is not my thing, but maybe it will help me breathe a little more. Maybe this is a better way to express my feelings, instead of getting mad and saying things I will regret later in life. Emily told me about this, and I guess it couldn't hurt to try it. So here goes nothing....
The Thorn is coming up faster than I expected. I can't believe it starts this Thursday. Its hard to think that this whole process started in January, just a short amount of time ago. To me, The Thorn is like a missions trip. We get to change so many lives while putting on this performance, but at the same time, our lives are getting changed too. My life has been changed BIG TIME because of the Thorn, and I have seen others change too.
When Thorn Practices first started, I was scared of many things. For one thing, I was scared of making friends. I walked into the Thorn knowing people. I knew Sean, Ashley, Justice, Sierra, Caroline, and Grayson, but I didn't know all of them well enough, and those that I did know and love, had different roles. That left me alone to make friends, and that's great but I knew it was going to be hard for me... it always is. Being myself involves me being loud and hyper, because I hide my fear of what others think of me. But as the thorn started, my fear of making friends was dumb. I guess you could say the first real friend I became friends with was Emily. She's great too. She listens to what you have to say, she encourages you, and you can tell that the Thorn has really changed her life. I became friends with Ben and Billy too, but they are two entirely different stories. Those three are three that I am thankful for the most, because even though they made fun of me for being so hyper, they were never mean about it. I started to make other friends too, such as Tori, Tyler, Masey, Miranda, Emma, Martie, Alex, and Emila. Emila was a challenge though. I didn't think we were going to like each other because of the first time we met. But my point is, the fear of making friends gets to you..eventually someones going to have to like you.
Another fear that I had was I thought, and I still think that at the beginning or end of every rehearsal/run through, Melissa, Adam, Jim, or Allison is going to come up to me and tell me that they do not need me anymore for the part of Young Mary and/or one of the Demons. When I tried out for young Mary, I never thought i would make it. But for some reason, God was telling me something about that part. I don't know why, and I dont know what, and honestly, I might not ever figure it out, but it was super important to me. It was a small part, but it was always on my mind. At first, to be honest, I did not like the demon part. It seemed too hard, to time consuming, and it made me tired. I wanted to tell them that I quit over and over, but for some reason I never did. And now, I love it. I guess I realized that the Hell scene, and the fight scene are two of the most intense scenes in the Thorn, and being a part of that was something I wanted to do. I think that their is a reason behind both of these parts, and whatever that reason is, I'm thankful for this experience, and the chance that they have given me.
At the beginning of the Thorn, they told us that if we had a story, we should share. Every night for a while I would sit here on my bed with my laptop on and the page up. I would write, and then delete, and then write, and delete. I never got a story, and i think it was because I was focused on a story about me. I wanted everyone to see my story, because I knew people would talk to me about it. But apparently, God had other plans. I never ever got a story about me, but three days ago I did write a story. This time, I finished the whole story, and I sent it in. Two days later, I did get a reply. It was the producer, and she knew the person the story was about. She told me that she saw the change in him too, and she was glad I posted. It felt good knowing I wasn't the only one who saw a change in this person.
Honestly, I wish i could write stories about a few people. I have seen a quiet girl turn into a funny person, and then into someone who seems to trust me with things in her life... and we have only been friends for a month or so. I have seen changes in my own cousin, who used to complain a lot when she didn't get her way, and now she seems happier...or at least when I'm around. And I, myself has changed a lot too. When the Thorn first started, I attended School of the Arts, and now I attend online school in my room, everyday. I use to be sad, and always complain..but not anymore. But honestly, I never thought that The Thorn could change lives of the people in it...I just thought it changed lives of people who saw it.
I encourage you to come see The Thorn. Even if you are not a christian, please come support me and my family. I think you will be impressed with not only the fire, the dancers, the martial artist, the girls who dance in hoops that hang in the air, and the two girls who fly across stage with just silks around their arms supporting them, but also the fact that 100 + people could get together, build relationships, and change other peoples lives. The thorn changes lives every day, and one day that life that was changed...could be yours. www.thethorn.net
Caylee
Ps. This was kind of fun. I got to tell the truth, and not care what others thought.
